i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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