I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
