Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
