i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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