Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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