My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
