he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
