Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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