is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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