Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
