Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
