your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
