I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
