you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
