Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
