so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
