I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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