i already hear my dad disowning me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize