Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
