Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
