The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
