So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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