Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
