i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think brook has ever known best
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
