The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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