what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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