Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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