Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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