just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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