you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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