So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
