I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
