I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
