in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
