I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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