I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
