community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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