Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
