just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
