I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize