maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
