you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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