what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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