Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
