no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
