Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
