He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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