First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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