i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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