you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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