my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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