you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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