What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
