"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
