I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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