mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize