She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
