do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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