So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
