I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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