This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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