Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
