it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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