nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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