Yo dont text me then not text me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
