I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
