I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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