Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
