Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
