Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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