So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
