please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize