I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
