And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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