Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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