There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
