she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
