My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No subtext here. People are naked.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
