You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
