bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
