When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
