There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
